Pi Day!!!

Written by: Jarad Hoss and Zack Hane

As many of you may know today is Pi day (3/14)! We are excited at Rude Dudes because most of us are Mathematicians and we get off on this day wicked hard. 3.14159265 as it is better known as will always be a fixture in our lives and we give thanks today for such a beautiful number. If you are not familiar with Pi we will teach you of it’s origins right here so you don’t have to waste your time going to wikipedia or some shit.

YEAH-AH!

Zack – Yes, Pi is a wonderful thing. Pi is a mathematical constant whose value is the ratio of any Euclidean plane circle’s circumference to its diameter; this is the same value as the ratio of a circle’s area to the square of its radius. It is approximately equal to 3.14159265 in the usual decimal notation. Meaning that it’s pretty kick ass.

Jarad – Yes, Zack, a very kick ass number, and happy 3/14 to you , sir. I’m super excited about it on a personal level because Pi has a decimal string with no distinguishable pattern to it! Much like my entire existence! As I go through life, tripping over myself wandering about like a crazy bum with a meth problem. It’s good to know there is a number I can relate to.

Zack – Jarad, I feel the number is testing me. I think it wants me to fail. It is a number that knows no fault and I feel rightfully insecure around it. I try to be friends with it but it still has more numbers than my puny brain can remember and I’ve only succumbed to sit in my basement praying for release.

Jarad – Certainly agree with you there, Zack. I see Pi as the vengeful God of the Old Testament and it will destroy you if you do not give it what it wants. So give up! It’s what I’ve done and it feels great. But Pi also has a lot of eerie coincidences and facts that increase it’s mystery.

Zack – I imagine Pi with a strong mustache and biceps to go along with the mustache. He is a frightening biker and takes no shit from anyone. I even heard Pi is the reason Pyramid Schemes exist and is responsible for cyber-bullying.

Jarad – I’ve read that 3.14 million people have absolutely lost their shit trying to think about Pi! Weird stuff, man. Also, $3.14 a day is what they paid the child actors in “Children of the Corn” which is why some of the children actually turned to ritualistic supernatural murder, to protest the terrible child labor laws.

Zack – Pi slashed 3 of my tires and cracked 14% of my windshield. Then pissed on my door handle so I’d have to touch it’s Pi piss. I could of wiped it off but he made me open the door with my bare hand or would have beaten me up. Pi piss man… Pi piss.

Jarad – That’s terrible Zack! I’ve never had such an experience, but I do know that 3.14% of the human brain is used exclusively to think bad thoughts about John Cusack. That’s ridiculous, he’s a genius, but that sort of mean spirited math is what Pi is all about.

Zack – Yeah, Pi day is pretty great. Every March 14th Daniel Craig (the new James Bond) sits down with a bottle of Jaegermeister and all 5 seasons of Sliders and hoops and hollers at his TV anytime Jerry O’Connell says something irrelevant.

Jarad – Coincidentally, only 3.14 people have ever watched all 5 seasons of Sliders. The .14th of a person is someone who doesn’t speak nor understand English, but watched all the episodes because he thought the blue Slider tunnel looks “Bitchin’!”

Well, that’s pretty much the history of Pi. I hope this has been educational and you can go out today with confidence with the proper knowledge and history of Pi. Also do remember to not dress to suggestively when you are around Pi, it may get the wrong idea.